My Story
Introduction and Foreword
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| Walking in my shoes |
Politics
It has been 2 years since I have last been formally employed, and as I have time on my hands to ponder my life, it is time to tell my life story. You see it is not because I’m unqualified, lazy or incompetent, that I can’t get work. My crime is that I’m a WHAM (white Afrikaans Male) in a post-Apartheid South Africa, where my generation has to pay for the sins of the fathers. Many years I had to work abroad to sustain a life as a glorified slave to other nations, simply because I am white.
My wife and I returned from Saudi Arabia, about 2 years ago, where we earned, in comparison to other South Africans, a fortune. If we managed to stay for the duration of our two-year contract, we would have been able to come back to South Africa and buy a house and cars, in cash, brand new out of the box. Most South Africans can only achieve this after a lifetime of work. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we managed only 6 months. At least, we managed to pay off all our debts, and get out of debt counseling. We had to go to Saudi in the first place, because we were in debt, which we both fell into due to under-employment and low wages that teachers receive in general in South Africa.
Trying again
It was the seventh time that I returned back to SA, with the hope that maybe this would be the right time that things work out, that we would be able to make a life in our own country, a sustainable livelihood. It is not an unrealistic expectation. We are both qualified teachers. I have three degrees of which one is a professional law degree. One would assume that in a country of low education levels, incompetence, African collectivism, and corruption, that would be an easy task.
My story is one of many similar stories, that no matter how suitable you are for a job, you simply will not get it, because of Affirmative Action and BEE, which allows for ‘Constitutional’ discrimination. For the past 20 years, I have had to endure the adverse consequences of these ‘legal’ policies. I have had to deal with all the injustices and unfairness that came my way, even though I myself was against Apartheid and the inequalities that ensued.
Why a book?
So now I sit in front of my laptop, partly out of desperation, partly out of boredom, to tell my story. The life I had to live because of political policies in Post-Apartheid South Africa. I have tried business, but lack capital to really make it work. As countless times before, I have applied for positions, but was lucky if I even received an acknowledgment of receipt of my application. If I did receive a reply, which I can probably count on my one hand over the last two decades, the reasons that were given, included: overqualified, under-qualified, not enough experience. Rarely did I even make a shortlist, and if I did, I, in retrospect realize, that it was to make the interview process ‘fair’ and representative of all racial groups….the token whitey, to make up the numbers.
The focus of the book
My focus, however, is not to emphasize the disappointments and challenges I faced in South Africa, but to tell of my consequent ‘adventures’ I had in several other countries, due to the fact that I had no choice, but to go and earn a living. One might even say that I am grateful to the political policies that have forced me out, as it enabled me to experience things, things I never would have experienced in Apartheid South Africa. The circumstances I faced drew me closer to God, because I was forced into utter dependence onto Him.
My life could have been very different I guess. I could have been married early on, I could have been a successful lawyer, with a house, a boat, luxury cars, a successful career……but it turned out differently, instead, I traversed over oceans to live a challenging life, away from family, professional success and worldly wealth. Looking back, I don’t regret my life at all, I am thankful for the unique experiences. It does, however, remain tough to be unemployed, not being able to provide for your family, not having a purpose, suffering from depression and failed relationships. People tend to stick to you when all is well, when you achieve success, when you are at their socio-economic level, but when you come into prolonged trials and tribulations, they slowly but surely retract their friendship and support, ironically, when you need it the most.
Tough times
Over the past decade, we have been married, my wife and I spent nearly half of that time in dire straits. If we worked abroad all was well financially, but upon our return each time, we were faced again with financial lack, emotional trauma, and relational neglect. We had to stay with our parents and be completely dependent on them. It’s humiliating, humbling at best, but as a Christian, we had to allow for faith-testing trials as a pruning mechanism in our lives, which we had to be patient with. So even as I am writing this, I’m not always sure what the answer is when I analyze the reason for our circumstances and why it has been so prolonged.
Part of me wants to blame politics, the other part wants to trust God that He allows circumstances like these, for our good and His glory, to shape and mold us into people that are like Jesus. Only, through pain and suffering, through pruning, do we change, do we learn the lessons we should. They are essential molding tools, which force us into repentance, submission, and growth. My story is one of Grace, as I not only traversed the physical world, but also engaged in a spiritual journey that took me to both ‘poles’ as I tried to figure out life.
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| Difficult path |
Overcoming
My hope is that the embittered and disappointed side of me will be overshadowed by a person who trusts in a God, who is the captain of my ship; that nothing falls outside His Control. This is ultimately a story of grace, that my bad experiences did not sink my ship, but that God kept it afloat, for His glory, that the patches He made to keep me afloat, made me stronger.
Walking in my shoes???
What is the reason for the title then, you may ask? In my shoes, has its origin in the fact that before you judge some of my stories and certain stages of my life as I will reveal them, you put yourself in my shoes. I have had to face many critics and judges, who lord it over themselves to judge one, but very few had to deal with situations and circumstances I faced. So, before you put on your little judge hat or sit in the chair of a judge, think what you would have done in a similar situation. If you can honestly say, after imagining yourself in that situation, that you would have done or reacted differently, then I still put it to you, that unless you have actually been in someone’s shoes and walked in his shoes, it’s best to leave your judge cap at home.
Lastly, I see this book as a halfway point in my life, to reflect on memories and events that have shaped me, for better or for worse, to take stock of my life, and to treasure and record my achievements and experiences. I have had a good life, one that I am most proud of. There has been disappointments, lows, trials, and failures, but at the same time, I have been blessed with an extraordinary story filled with experiences, few have ever had. It will be an honest tale, one of shock and disbelief at times, but my commitment and assurance are that of truth.
Setting out
Join me on my journey up to the half-waymark, where I share my stories, my life, my successes and tragedies with you. The journey starts off very ordinary, an ordinary cocooned life steeped in religious conservatism, moves away into the opposite direction as the cocoon is broken and another world revealed; and back towards the half-way mark of a balanced life, where extreme thinking is absent and the truth is usually found. On my journey towards truth, I stopped at many stations along the way, tried and tested many things. My journey includes my life and travels to many exotic, non-touristy places, my experiences in and an escape from a cult, and how I have dealt with it. But it seems that I speak in riddles and euphemisms here. I would like to speak plainly and truthfully what has transpired over the last 43 years of my life.
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| Journey Ahead |
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